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This unconscious compromising pattern may lead you to impulsivity & compensation.

During a resent coaching session that I had with a client, money & buying patterns naturally became a lead topic. On one side she felt happy with the money she earned & she was happy to have the freedom to buy the things she wanted without looking too much on the prices. Yet the topic got called out so there was an underlying feeling of dissatifaction that she felt regarding spending and saving money.

As we dived deeper into the topic, she would present a few spending examples from her life that clearly showed a hidden compromising pattern that later drove her into compensation.

Here is one of them:

When she went to the store to buy shoes, she found 2 pairs she liked, one cheeper & one a bit more expensive. As she tried them on she liked the more expensive ones more. They were very similar to each other, but somehow the colour composition was more compelling for her and they felt a little bit more comfortable. On the other side, the second pair was also nice & she also liked them. Because they were a bit cheaper, she chose them because she thought this is the reasonable thing to do. The issue was that when she got home she didn’t feel 100% satisfied so she would go and buy another pair of cheaper & more “reasonable” pair of shoes again just after 2 or 3 weeks. As a result she would actually spend more money

-> 2 pair of shoes instead on 1 pair she really loved. When she then looked at her whole home, she would not be fully satified with the things she had there as she did this with almost every buy she made.

Another great but different example of this compromising pattern was from a situation where she found 2 cups that she really loved but she found expensive. To her surprise, when she asked for another cheaper product she recieved the information that there is a great sale on everything. When she recieved this information she took the cups + added a lot of different stuff & in the end she payed double the amount that she would have payed originally for the 2 cups. When she came home she realized she actually only really wanted the 2 cups but had bought a lot of unnessecary stuff just because they were on sale.

When we went deeper to see what happens in those moment, she realized that she feels that she does not really deserve the things she really wants & that she has a belief of being more reasonable when she does this. Our conversation helped her to realize that this pattern came from childhood due to the financial circumstances at home + the buying patterns that her parents had but also she realized that this pattern is what makes her not fully satified + spending a lot of money unnessecarily, that weakens her saving capabilities.

While this pattern is shown on the spending examples, it is worth checking other areas of life where we compromise ourselves to then compensate. An example can be regarding rest & restoration habits, food or activities bringing pleasure.

The next steps to be practiced for this client was that, next time when she will be buying something, she will choose the thing she REALLY wants even if it is more expensive & she will INTENTIONALLY CELEBRATE it instead of feeling guilty. This means she will have to bring AWARENESS to the table. As she will become more conscious of the buys she makes & as she will choose the things she really likes, her need to buy a lot of other things will diminish & she will finally exit the compromising-compensation scheme.

Now let me know in which areas of your life you are experiencing this compromising-compensation pattern & how you want to change it!

PS! Sometimes changing a pattern can evoke a lot of underlying emotions (unprocessed trauma). It is important that you are kind to yourself & that you check in with yourself & look into where those emotions come from. Sometimes we need to heal & release emotional tension to make it easier to release a protective pattern. Also remember it is always a process of continuous choices & of bringing conscious awareness to our life.

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