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SHAME - Where does it come from & How to heal it?

One of the emotions that keep us un happy is SHAME. She is this sneaky emotion that makes our whole body crumble from within, making us feel small, worthless, unlovable & making us withdraw from life & from expressing ourselves in a free & autentic way.


Shame arises when our autentic expressions & needs in childhood were shamed & unaccepted so we learned these parts are unlovable, undesired. Shaming is very different from setting healthy boundaries and is rather a way to make a child/person feel really bad for their behavior even if it is a natural & normal behavior/need.


Very common & universal examples for this are:

Boys were not allowed to show vulnerability & cry because they were judged as weak when they really needed comfort.


Girls were shamed when they showed their anger or disagreed, being judged as hysterical & agressive when what they really did was fighting for their boundaries.


We learned some parts of us are acceptable and others are shameful, unlovable & should be hidden from the world.


So as to protect ourselves our psyche helpes us to create a persona that will be that which is desired & expected from the surrounding by people-pleasing, a joker or a persona that is a rebel/fighter, anchored in anger toward the world. As this is the adaptive patterns that allowed to avoid negative consequences (rejection) & recieve acceptance & love from parents = survival.


One of our greatest desire deep in the heart is to be truly seen & loved for who we are yet, the biggest fear of the human is that if we show our true, vulnerable, messy/imperfect selves to the world, we will be rejected & will need to relive the pain we felt in childhood & adolecense.


Yet nothing that is built on a fake construct will ever feel real & truly fulfilling & we will never feel truly alive before we take that step of courage toward honouring our unique, wild & imperfect nature.


It all starts with us recognizing & starting to love the parts within us we are shameful of. Parts that were unwanted, dirty, weak, needy, hurt, messy & emotional.



HOW TO WORK WITH SHAME:


1.Answer the following questions:

✔️when do I withdraw & why?

✔️what would I love others to see but I don't have the courage to show?

✔️in what situations & for what behaviors was I shamed for/rejected when I was a child & adolescent?

✔️what am I trying to hide from others, even people close to me like my partner/children?

✔️what am I trying to prove others about me?


2.Then it is important to work with our innerchild to be present with the pain that came from feeling shamed/rejected. Pouring our awareness & love into those parts help us re-parent ourselves & heal.


You can do that by creating a space in which you feel safe & in which you can start to relax your body. When you feel grounded & relaxed you can recall that emotion & ask yourself - where is it coming from? Then relax & see if anything comes up. If you see your inner child in a memory you can allow to release any emotion that come up & then give love to that small part of you by saying - you are okey, I love you & I got you.


Sometimes when the emotional load & pain i very big you might want to scream into a pillow or slam it with your fists. Sometimes your body may just want to shake in order to release the energetic load. Trust yourself in this process & follow what feels most authentic.


Remember to thank yourself for this deep work; you are not just healing yourself - you are healing the generations to come so that the world can be a better place.


Repeat any time you need it.


Healing is simple, but it takes time & effort. Some deep wounds take many years to heal but they don't have to. Every time you choose to take responsibility for you wounds, meet yourself with compassion & stand in your autenticity you step out of disruptive pattern & move into conscious creation. Everytime you become stronger & allow more love to pour into your life. ✨️




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